Robot Loves Kitten

US magazine publishers Time Inc., Conde Nast and Hearst are preparing to launch an online newsstand described as an “iTunes for magazines,” according to published reports.

This is a terrible idea, but not unexpected from a now eclipsing empire. Calling it an “iTunes” conjures up a lot of associations, not the least of which include “successful,” “dominant” even. So it’s convenient, but there’s a few really good reasons this effort is misguided, and a big waste of time and money.

First, magazines aren’t music. I don’t have a massive personal archive of magazine content to manage across multiple devices. iTunes is important because it helps control the chaos of my music collection.

Second, these publishers are hoping that they can leverage mobile apps and e-readers into a new “digital magazine” platform where consumers pay for every bit of content. Will a new platform really emerge? No, it won’t. Why? Multiple devices.

Explain to me, without using the terms “lowest common denominator” and “sucky”, how you make a great experience that works on the Kindle, Nook, iPhone, Blackberry, Pre, and Android. You can’t. Not while trying to be both creative and profitable.

So all we’re really talking about is a “digital newsstand”, an online store for content.

This is how these joint ventures typically play out: each publisher will have a few titles in the store that are formatted by store staff, because the publishers are too overworked and understaffed to do it themselves. The “experience” will be basic, beyond a few “experimental” titles aren’t actually practical to produce on a regular basis. And the formats offered will vary from title to title, because it’s actually a ton of work to reformat each issue, and the publishers themselves will vary on which platforms they’re interested in. No one will commit, because no one’s fully committed, and it will eventually fail.

These big publishers lament losing control of their distribution channels, and this is just a ploy to regain control.

Distribution is what made them powerful, and — they hope — will once again. But today, newsstands only exist in New York and the airport. Only the checkout lines are left, and they are jealously guarded by retail chains. Rapid consolidation of atoms on one side, an explosion of digital diversity on the other. Rock, meet hard place.

The simple truth is that magazines are great because they are printed. The medium is the message. Translating this to other platforms isn’t really possible, or even worthwhile. Creating a new experience, adapted for its medium, is what works. Look how the novel has changed in Japan’s cellphone novels.

Of last year’s 10 best-selling novels, five were originally cellphone novels, mostly love stories written in the short sentences characteristic of text messaging but containing little of the plotting or character development found in traditional novels.

Leave magazines alone, and create new products people will pay for: deep databases, mobile games, shopping apps. Recognize that today, everything conveys information and everything is media. The possibilities are endless.

In this context, an “iTunes for magazines” — beyond being stupid — shows an extraordinary failure of imagination.